My brother is a fucking rapist!

[radical_feminist]

I went out this morning and decided to use my brothers ipod (without his knowledge ofcourse) to keep myself occupied. When I turned on his ipod to see what music and videos he had, I was horrified to find porn. I came across 2 videos that sickened me and immediately switched the ipod off.
1 video was called facial abuse and had 2 men sexually assaulting a woman. I didn't watch the whole video, but it was clear from the limited amount I watched (just to see what kind of shit my brother was into) that the woman was not liking it. The men were also being very racist.

The next video was called 2 young girls and their mother. I didn't need to watch the video to know its content.

I am ed by my brother's behaviour. It is obvious he sees women as objects and has no respect for them. It is also obvious he supports rape. It all makes sense now. When I told him I was gang raped, he laughed it off and said I was drunk. I hate him. Why are men so fucked up?

I always knew he watched porn. My parents have caught him several times and have told him not to watch it. He obviously does not give a fuck.

Now what the hell do I do with him? We are not close. He makes it very clear he has no respect for me by telling me I'm ugly and will get nowhere in life as everyone hates me and always will. He always made fun of me being a feminist but now I realise that he wasn't just joking. He was being shit serious about what he said. I know that talking to him won't help. He's just going to tell me to fuck off. What can I do to make him stop watching such shit and to teach im to repsect women?

I'm realy ed right now. I literally got a headache and felt liek throwing up when I saw what he had on his ipod. Those videos are obviously his favourites. I'm sure he has more on his laptop. I'm also certain that he has raped a woman or will rape one or more women soon. He has to be stopped!

Fuck the porn industry. I'm so pissed off right now.

[sam]

I'm sorry you had to learn that way. One of my brothers is a woman-hating rapist as well, and don't get me started on other male members of my family.

Any way you can email or snail mail the photos with a note about their origin to every female he knows? At the very least they'll be warned because few people can speak about his behavior towards women better than you from years of being his sister.

[thebewilderness]

He makes it very clear he has no respect for me by telling me I'm ugly and will get nowhere in life as everyone hates me and always will. He always made fun of me being a feminist but now I realise that he wasn't just joking. He was being shit serious about what he said. I know that talking to him won't help. He's just going to tell me to fuck off. What can I do to make him stop watching such shit and to teach im to repsect women?

There is very little that you can do beyond withdrawing your energy and speaking the truth.
To him, and about him. If he asks, if anyone asks, tell the truth.
There is certainly no reason to be concerned about a misogynist's opinion of you. It has no credence.
I'm so sorry. It is hard to live with that much hatred in your face every day.

[radical_feminist]

Sam, yeah I know what you mean about women hating family members. There is not a single male in my family that has any respect for women. I would do what you suggested if only I knew any of his female friends. I know none. He doesn't bring any of them over.
thebewilderness, yeah you're right. I try hard not to take what he says to heart but it's kind of hard when my whole family including my own mother tells me im ugly and need to wear make up to attract men. I get it more from my mum than my brother.
I wish I had some kind of bomb to kill women hating people.

[radical_feminist]

My family hate women so much that I couldn't even tell my parents the number of times I was sexually assaulted. Why? Simply because they would blame me and remind me what a horrible person I am for as long as I live. Phew.I'm in a really shitty mood today. I wonder why some women support men and don't listen to women. I wonder why they stick by men even when they're educated enough to know what is happening is wrong. I wonder what we can do to change some of these women.

[buggle]

That is horrible, I'm so sorry. I would have wanted to throw up too. Yuck. Just soooooo horrifying. Your family sounds just awful!! Do you live with them? Wow, I don't know how I would deal with that! No advice, just wow, that really stinks. I would probably scream and yell at him and call him a fucking pig and ing and stuff. I don't know how I could stop myself..... Could you borrow the ipod again and delete the porn?

[MaggieH]

Oh, Radical Feminist, I'm so sorry to hear you're so upset. It is probably very likely that your brother has (or will have) misogynistic rapist coercive attitudes toward womyn & girls, as pornography promotes rapist behavior. Personally, I wouldn't waste any energy on him, as men are stealing women's emotional energy all the time. In case you ever happen to meet one of his female friends though, please let 'em know what he's all about, and there might be some lives saved (at least temporarily).

Why are men so fucked up?

Well, I've read a few Nature vs. Nurture feminist theories on this, but I'd rather not pay attention to men anymore at all (as a separatist). If a tiny few pro-feminist males want to teach other men about justice & non-violence (e.g. John Stoltenberg, Robert Jensen, Rich of Adonis Mirror, etc), then I'm okay with that so long as they speak to men, not to women - as it is up to us only to decide what we want from Women's Liberation (and we should be suspicious of all males, including allies, yes, sometimes).

But, within the current system, the vast majority of men are assholes, scumbags and this is a fact. That is why we shouldn't waste any sort of time on any kind of 'Nature/Nurture' debate concerning men. The best thing for a woman to do, IMO (in the system as it stands today), is to completely separate from men whenever and if she can, as it ensures more safety. The best is to stop spending any sort of our precious gyn-energy on misogynist men (who probably represent more than 90-95% of the male population), because they're only gonna make fun of us and treat us like shit in the end. Males benefit from patriarchy in one way or another; they usually don't see anything good in the posibility of the collapse of their system.

I wonder why some women support men and don't listen to women.

Womyn are socialized from birth into 'feminine' roles, i.e. roles that require that they focus all their attention on men. They learn to become the husbands & boyfriends' "ego-boosters"; they learn to glorify the big 'achievements' of the Big Men in our society (who have acquired a position of power); they learn to view other women as their enemies/rivals; etc the list goes on. In short, womyn are brainwashed into believing that they are "not oppressed" or that "things could be worse". In a patriarchal society, women learn to become male-identified because men hold the power to indocrinate them (through every facets of the malestream media, through religions, in schools, in the Academia, in law & other male-supremacist brainwashing institutions). I'm sure you know what I mean.

I wonder why they stick by men even when they're educated enough to know what is happening is wrong.

I guess that, within a culture that is All About Teh Menz, womyn have been socialized to even stick by men because of fear or false consciousness...

Hope that makes sense. Take care, Radical Feminist. And you know, if your family won't support you, I'm pretty sure you have/will have/could have some female friends IRL who would be willing to support you or whom you could talk to, perhaps?

[bluecoat28]

I wish I had some kind of bomb to kill women hating people.

word.

[citywood]

Ugh, awful stuff radical feminist.

Today my brother and his friends were over and talking about going to Hooters, going on about "titties and beer" and shit and discussing strip clubs. My parents were involved in the conversation and were laughing along, totally encouraging it. My dad was saying he didn't know there was one where we live and my bro was like, you gotta come then! etc. It's really annoying that my mom has to act all cool and accepting with my brother and his friends.

[radical_feminist]

That's horriblte citywood. I can understand how you feel. I really don't know what to say. Men will never understand or learn. They're all just so sick. Everytime I think of that video my brother was watching, I'm reminded of the time when I was raped by two men. It's probably how they treated me when I was unconscious. Like shit. I seriously want all men to die a slow and painful death.

[oneangrygirl]

seems to me the only good response is to be the uptight-feminist-who's-no-fun and walk out of the conversation.
otherwise they assume you're on board.
easier said than done, but i can't think of any other good options.

[bluecoat28]

Ugh, awful stuff radical feminist.

Today my brother and his friends were over and talking about going to Hooters, going on about "titties and beer" and shit and discussing strip clubs. My parents were involved in the conversation and were laughing along, totally encouraging it. My dad was saying he didn't know there was one where we live and my bro was like, you gotta come then! etc. It's really annoying that my mom has to act all cool and accepting with my brother and his friends.

ugh that would get me so mad too...

[oneangrygirl]

i randomly found this today:
http://www.motherjones.com/riff/2009/07 ... rape-jokes

[buggle]

Honestly, if my family talked like that around me, I'd fucking scream at them. No way is my dad going to talk about strip clubs in front of me and think it's ok!!! Hellz no! Although I'm 32 and live across the country from them and don't depend on them financially, so ya know...easy for me to say

[bluecoat28]

oneangrygirl, hey that's an interesting piece... I skimmed it. this is an interesting thread cause it's so tough when it's our own families that don't give us support. I'm lucky my parents are decent and good and my dad has five sisters so there's many women in our family.