song: Lap Dance is Better When the Stripper's Crying

[sam]

A Lap Dance Is So Much Better When the Stripper is Crying
Bloodhound Gang

I was lonelier than Kunta Kinte at a Merle Haggard concert
That night I strolled on into Uncle Limpy's Hump Palace lookin' for love.
It had been a while.
In fact, three hundred and sixty-five had come and went
since that midnight run haulin' hog to Shakey Town on I-10.
I had picked up this hitchhiker that was sweatin' gallons
through a pair of Daisy Duke cut-offs and one of those Fruit Of The Loom
tank-tops.
Well, that night I lost myself to ruby red lips,
milky white skin and baby blue eyes.
Her name was Russell.


Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Well I find it's quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'


Well, faster than you can say, "shallow grave",
this pretty little thing come up to me and starts kneadin' my balls
like hard-boiled eggs in a tube sock.
Said her name was Bambi and I said, "Well that's a coincidence darlin',
'cause I was just thinkin' about skinnin' you like a deer."
Well she smiled, had about as much teeth as a Jack-O-Lantern,
and I went on to tell her how I would wear her face like a mask
as I do my little kooky dance.
And then she told me to shush.
I guess she could sense my desperation.
'Course, it's hard to hide a hard-on when you're dressed like Minnie Pearl.


Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Well I find it's quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'


So, Bambi's goin' on about how she can make all my fantasies come true.
So I says, "Even this one I have where Jesus Christ
is jackhammering Mickey Mouse in the doo-doo hole
with a lawn dart as Garth Brooks gives birth to something
resembling a cheddar cheese log with almonds on Santa Claus's tummy-tum?"
Well, ten beers, twenty minutes and thirty dollars later
I'm parkin' the beef bus in tuna town if you know what I mean.
Got to nail her back at her trailer.
Heh. That rhymes.
I have to admit it was even more of a turn-on
when I found out she was doin' me to buy baby formula.


Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Well I find it's quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'


Day or so had passed when I popped the clutch,
gave the tranny a spin and slid on into
The Stinky Pinky Gulp N' Guzzle Big Rig Snooze-A-Stop.
There I was browsin' through the latest issue of "Throb",
when I saw Bambi starin' at me from the back of a milk carton.
Well, my heart just dropped.
So, I decided to do what any good Christian would.
You can not imagine how difficult it is to hold a half gallon of moo juice
and polish the one-eyed gopher when your doin' seventy-five
in an eighteen-wheeler.
I never thought missing children could be so sexy.
Did I say that out loud?


Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Well I find it's quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

[nikki]

is that a real song? this makes me vomit. how can such a song even exist? i am LIVID. seriously. do children hear this? do men think this is okay? is anyone else freaking out?
n.

[oneangrygirl]

WTF?

[oneangrygirl]

what record company are they signed to?

[sam]

It's on the same album by the Bloodhound Gang as the song about the Discovery Channel "you and me baby ain't nothing but mammals/so let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel." My partner worked for the Discovery Channel when that song was popular around 2000-2001.

[sunnysmiles]

This really made me nauseous, but it's so fucked up that I have to wonder if it's not being snarky. Is this for real?

[Jimmy H.]

I first read about The Bloodhound Gang when they did an equally nauseating sexoracist song called "Yellow Fever" and Asian American youth (including hip-hop and spoken word artists like The Pacifics and I Was Born With 2 Tongues) organised a "Yellow Fist Campaign" to protest the band's shows and boycott their records.

Added later: here are the lyrics to "Yellow Fever", straight from the BHG website. Note that the imagery is in line with the average "asiaphilic" pornographic production.

*Trigger Warning*

Are those numchucks in your pants or are you just happy to see me?

Let me take you back to the day that I met my "China Girl"
When I landed a Pam like on the San Fran "Real World"
I was sweatin' like a vegetable inside of a wok
I'd never been to Asia Minor but I was gonna Bangkok
Like Kristy Yamaguchi I had to break the ice
Should I talk about Mothra "M.A.S.H." or shrimp-fried rice?
I was sharp as a Chinese star but it's a line that I threw
Just "Thirty Seconds Over Tokyo" and this Johnny would Woo
I took a shot like Jeanette Lee put on my moves like Bruce Lee
I told her every Soon Yi needs a little Woody
She said for all the tea in China me vagina no free
But me love will linger longer than the Ming Dynasty
I said I needed her to do and her to do my laundry
I knew she needed a way to legally stay within the country
She was made in Taiwan I said I'm O.K. with that
Just promise me you'll never try to eat my cat

Chinky Chinky bang bang I love you
Chinky Chinky bang bang I know you love me too

Chinky Chinky bang bang I love you
Chinky Chinky bang bang I know you love me too

In Japan the hand is used as a knife
In Japan a man's wife's hand job then can cost him his life
But now this Captain Kirk has his own Sulu
I'll shampoo her Fu Manchu with Lo Hung Wang Goo
'Cause I ride my slant-eyed Slope like a brand new Kawasaki
Oh my Chinky she's so kinky got me hot like Nagasaki
Burnin' up like Napalm burstin' like an A-bomb
I think I got that jungle fever but I caught it in 'Nam
She's like an oriental rug 'cause I lay her where I please
Then I blindfold her with dental floss and get on my knees
I'm a diving Kamikaze eating out Chinese
First I'll have the Poo Poo Platter then some tuna sushi
She'll be screamin' like Godzilla and kickin' like Jackie Chan
I'll get her redder than China wetter than the Sea of Japan
Like the Chinese New Year she's gonna see fireworks
Now be a good Chinky and go press Jimmy's shirts

Chinky Chinky bang bang I love you
Chinky Chinky bang bang I know you love me too

Chinky Chinky bang bang I love you
Chinky Chinky bang bang I know you love me too

Sing Chinky sing.
One more time.

Chinky Chinky bang bang I love you
Chinky Chinky bang bang I know you love me too
(bis)

Chinky Chinky bang bang Chinky bang
Chinky Chinky bang biddily biddily biddily bang (x6)

[sunnysmiles]

This is surreal! There video for that 'discovery channel' song was horrendous.

TY for that info JH. PS I just heard a new song on the white boy radio stn I listen to that is about a groupie from Japan who only sleeps with white men and then three of the male singers are left guessing as to whose child she is carrying (I never knew dickwads with money were supposed give a shit really).

I was just thinking about all the recent asian fetishism in music, like 10 mins ago - like those harajuku girls and this other song by the Charlatans UK that is about a chinese prostitute that supports her white bf (video on racialicious).

Really 'racism' overt forms has re-manifested itself big-time this past year. Well, when you live in neo-colonial times, it's bound to happen.

Both those song lyrics are triggering... I am going to go barf now.

[oneangrygirl]

well, the first song is now excerpted here:
http://www.oneangrygirl.net/myth7.htm
where i'm sure the public outcry will be sufficient to stop its record sales for good.

i coded it myself!!!

[sunnysmiles]

Good job oag!

[Aaron]

I think songs like these are absolutly ing and shouldn't be allowed because they are so, so sickening... I just don't know what else to say except i'm shocked, upset and angery about these lyrics as i'm sure many others are.

[CoolAunt]

Oh gawd! I wandered from the song lyrics to some of the comments of dumbfarks. I feel sick.

[Andrew]

My head is spinning; I am dizzy and naseous; Is this pure evil, joke or no joke? Joke? What the h-l could possibly be funny about this? I am revolted...
My father used to talk about bricking over the windows and having food dropped down the chimney when things out there got looking too bad. That's one temptation; the other is to do something illegal. Best just try to collect my thoughts and does anybody know what record company put this out? Or do I go to oag's site? One angry girl? How about 150 million? what is wrong with people???

[oneangrygirl]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bloodhound_Gang

for more than you ever wanted to know.
seems like they're signed to geffen at this point.

[misfitgirl22]

WTF!!! This is just plain sick. I cant believe stuff like this is legal. The sad thing is, some 16 year old male is listening to this garbage and absorbing all of it.

[bluecoat28]

Yup, that "discovery channel" song is all the rage at the high school dances I chaperone. Musicians shouldn't abuse their power.

[Moonlight]

Even I know the main lyrics to the Discovery Channel song!

I had no idea it was from a group like this, though.

[Evo]

Wow. Just wow. Unreal.

Kind of reminds me of an angry post I couldn't resist making at CL today:

http://washingtondc.craigslist. org/mld/rnr/491055312.html

[axjxhx]

i already deleted all bloodhound gang songs from my library a while ago.

for some reason, i just want to delete this thread. i see it on the list of topics and i just want it to be gone. i'm not saying it should really be deleted at all, but it's one of those intense feelings of anger towards this band and all other bands like it. i want them to just disappear. i want them to stop making crap and trying to pass it off as music. maybe because i love music so much and these types of bands are bastardizing what i love the most: women and music and art.

i never heard this particular song, ever, and i wish it didn't exist. i suppose i could see it as more evidence that we live in a society that hates women, but it goes deeper than that for me. so many people internalize these messages of hate because of the 'cool beats' in the songs. a lot of men think it's funny, and some women shrug it off and sing along.

*sigh*