Crouching Tiger, Yawning Lion

[sam]

I believe the strength of this essay lies in its ability to question earnestly without compromising values. The rant in the first link is good reads too.

http://www.feh-muh-nist.blogspot.com/

Tug of War

I'm a feminist, but you're not. I'm the right kind of feminist, but you're not. You can't be a feminist if you believe that. You must be a feminist if you believe this. All feminists think this way. There is only one kind of feminism, and I can tell you what it is and whether or not you are it. Anything can be considered feminist; it's all in how you self-identify. I've recently been caught up in this as you may be aware if you've read this post and its comments. I still believe what I believe, but there's a fierce game of tug-of-war going on in my feminist heart and mind. On one side, there's my radical Lesbian feminism; on the other side, there's my desire to throw my arms open to all women who care about and work for other women in whatever way they do that. Back and forth these two sides go. One side will muster its resources and tug the other almost to the point of surrender; suddenly, a ferocious counter-effort brings that side sliding into the mud. And back and forth and back and forth. How is a feminist to reconcile these two deep beliefs: one, that feminism does stand for, and against, specific things; and two, that feminism is for all women, not just those who share the same views on every last thing. And why does it matter so much to me that feminism has some agreed-upon, bottom-line definition? And why, when I attempt to make one such definition, am I plagued by fears that I have pushed feminist fence-sitters back to the other side?

Feminism informs every aspect of my life, and I work hard to make feminism real in my life. Feminism has come to represent not only a bunch of theories and political positions but actual day-to-day circumstances and choices. I go to the grocery store as a feminist. I work as a feminist. I socialize, eat, dream, relax, unwind, spend money, and create art as a feminist. As I go about my day, there is a constant voice in my mind asking, "Is this feminist? Is that? Could doing this help or hurt women? How?" It has become like the hum of my refrigerator or the steady lapping of a lake, gently reminding me of what is at work. Hauling around this feminist consciousness makes me hypervigilant for anti-feminist rhetoric and behavior. I'm quick to point out areas of non-feminism, and it is particularly disheartening when I think I have found a sister who shares my hardwon politics only to find that she supports porn or prostitution or weight-loss diets. When that happens, I feel like I've been sucker-punched, and I want to strike back. I want to deny any likeness between us. How could it matter that we both support and work for reproductive rights, educational access for women, civil rights for old and disabled women, and humane health care when we disagree on something as fundamental as whether women's bodies should be bought and sold? How, on the other hand, could it not matter that we have these areas of agreement and solidarity? Is there any way to reconcile our significant differences with our significant similarities?

There must be. Quite plainly, we need each other. Radical feminists are often not willing to do the "inside" work that more liberal feminists engage in. Some of us are not willing to work with men ever for any reason. Some of us have given up on the possibility of change from within the corrupt systems of patriarchy. Some of us have decided that we will focus on a narrow range of issues that affect us and our closest allies rather than dilute our strength by devoting energy to "mainstream" feminist efforts. Some of us feel that if we don't help ourselves, no one will. And liberal feminists need radical feminists to take some of the risks they can't afford. Some of them can't risk getting arrested. Some of them can't afford to "drop out" and live on women's land. Some of them believe change that leaves men out can never be lasting change. Some of them are passing laws that help all women be safer, healthier, and more free. And the lines aren't always clear. Some liberal feminists are willing to engage in radical actions, while some radical feminists are all talk. Some radical feminists play it safe, and some liberal feminists are on the frontlines of the fight against patriarchy. We need each other. We have to have each other's backs. Our enemies are not other women. Let me say that again: our enemies are not other women.

What about this pesky bunch of seemingly irreconciliable differences, though? What do we do about pornography, prostitution, sadomasochism, and compulsory heterosexuality?* Can we agree to disagree? Should we? Can I put aside my knowledge of the harm done to women by these institutions in order to welcome you into the feminist fold and live with myself as a feminist of integrity? Can I not? Can I keep you out because you don't see things the way I do? Can I say "no, not you" because of my fear that we are working for opposing aims? Is there a middle ground here? Is there a way that I can continue to speak my growing awareness of the plight of women and witness yours as well? There was a time when I defended the things that I now abhor: I called myself a feminist then, and I call myself one now. Should I have been kicked out of the club that is desperately in need of members for not holding the party line? How was the room made for me to grow into feminism as I now understand it, and how is there room for me to continue growing? How will I make room for you?

Here's the letdown: I don't have any answers. I can't agree not to say what I know to be true. I can't un-see what I've seen. I can't retract what I've already said. I can't stand by silently when someone says selling a woman is feminist whether it's a woman in flesh, in print, in video, or in marriage. I must speak up. I can, however, admit my own shortcomings. I can tell you I didn't get here over night. I can remember the painful awakenings as I realized the lies liberal feminism told me. I can speak about how tightly I held onto my desire to believe that porn didn't hurt anyone, that prostitutes were liberated "sex workers," that s/m was about harmlessly "playing" with power, and that marriage could be feminist. I can see myself in you. I can offer an alternative should you decide that things don't add up anymore. I can explain my views and positions again and again. I can be patient and kind. I can listen to your views. I can listen, and I can learn. I can remember the ways that other women were patient with me as I tried on different perspectives and beliefs. I can respond to your fervent belief, the one that I share, that we must create a different and better world for women. I can say over and over again: our enemies are not other women.