From BitingBeaver's blog

Got something to share with the reading public that isn't an action but should be read?

Moderators: delphyne, oneangrygirl, deedle, sam

From BitingBeaver's blog

Postby oneangrygirl » Thu Jun 22, 2006 6:03 pm

Reposting this because it's brilliant:

I have oft been accused of being 'against male sexuality' from, surprise, men. These statements always bother me, and not in an "OMG! You've helped me to see the light!" but rather in a "What the hell are they talking about?" kind of way.

I am always rather surprised when some dude steps forward to say, "What the hell BB? You're so anti-male and anti-male sexuality!" because, quite frankly, it makes no sense to me. When a man asks me the question, "How are we supposed to act in regards to women?" I am always floored, so much so that I rarely bother answering the questions because it seems so frigging simple to me. Nevertheless, I have decided that I shall create a list of sorts in which I posit exactly what I'm asking for. It has become apparent to me that I need to do such a thing because apparently, long, well-thought out posts that detail every given aspect of behavior's that I find reprehensible are not doing the trick.

So here, for the convenience of my male readers who don't 'get' it and who ask me to please explain better (after I've done 300 and some odd posts that average six pages apiece on every aspect of female oppression at the hands of males that I can think of) I have attempted to devise a list.

What do I expect from males? It's really rather simple.

1. No means No: I take this one very literally. She says "No" you stop. Period. No begging, no harassing, no arguing, no guilt trips, no nothing. All attempts at sexual behaviors stop here, at this one little word. If the word "No" escapes her lips at any time during the activities it is YOUR cue to a full stop. No more "if you loved me you'd do x" No more excuses, no more bullshit. No means No. Get it? Got it? Good.

2. Stop othering us - This is another of my pet peeves. Stop thinking of women as just being 'wired differently'. Just because your mother cleaned up after you your entire life doesn't mean she 'just likes it'. Just because the women in the porn you view appear to love having dicks crammed in every available opening doesn't mean that SHE likes it. We are not fundamentally 'different' from you. When you use this as a basis for your expectations of female/male relationships you will always, each and every single time, attribute the exact OPPOSITE characteristics to a female that you attribute to yourself.

3. Stop staring at us- We are not freaks in a zoo. Our purpose in this world is not to be YOUR eye-candy. Just stop it. Stop staring at the woman in line who you think is 'fuckable'. Stop undressing us with your eyes. Stop muttering shit under your breath, stop giving us the full body stare. You know, I went to the zoo yesterday with my partner and my children and do you know how many 'hotties' were there?....

Neither do I. Why? Because, I'm not interested in grading people, ANY person, on their tits, their asses, their oh-so-manly 5'oclock shadow or their washboard abs. Seriously, I have no fucking CLUE if anyone there was 'hot' by societal standards. And no, not because I'm a fathairylesbiandykeprudebitchwhojustneedsagoodfucking but rather because I'm not so preoccupied with the thought of fucking that I can only see people as potential fuck toys. Seriously, this preoccupation with fucking and who is fuckable and who's hottt and who's nottt is ridiculous. So stop it. Stop staring at us and stop rating us.

4. Put the porn down- Yep, you heard me. The suffering of MILLIONS of women is what you're viewing. Stop making excuses, stop saying, "Well, it's not in MY porn" when anyone who has done any research on the topic will tell you that each and every single large manufacturer of porn has had scandals involving under aged women, trafficked women, or otherwise. Just put it down. Stop excusing it and stop creating this fucking double standard that you have. Sure, you'll boycott Nike, or Wal-Mart, but god fucking forbid that you give up your jerk off material. You want to know what I want from you? It's simple. Stop ignoring our pain for your own chubby erections.

5. Stop objectifying us- This goes hand in hand with 'othering' but it's still worth a mention. Stop using our bodies as status symbols for you. Stop being proud that your girlfriend is 'acceptable' to your buddies. Stop being ashamed when she's 'too fat' by the standards of your buddies. Stop the excuses and stop being blind to it. If you happen to fall in love with a woman who is culturally beautiful then stop patting yourself on the back when your buddies say, "Whew, good catch friend!" or when men stare at your girlfriends ass. Stop using her to bolster your self-esteem. We are not objects. We are humans and there is sooooooo much more I could write on this one but I'll stop for the sake of becoming even MORE long winded than usual.

6. Stop laughing at sexist jokes- That joke about the 'dumb blonde' on the Wal-Mart horse ride is sexist. Get over it. Stop supporting men in your work place when they leer at the company secretary who's stuck in pink collar hell and who's working to support 2 kids but who has nice tits that the other guys talk about at lunch. Stop laughing at rape jokes, stop taking it lightly and when you see it call out others on it.

7. Stop giving your money to organizations that are misogynist- Stop renting movies like "American Pie" start putting your money where your mouth is and stop supporting industries that are harmful or send rotten messages about us.

8. Stop buying us- Stop consuming women as though they were oatmeal. Stop believing that men have a 'right' to buy the use of a woman's body for their sexual pleasure. Prostitution, strip clubs, pornography, all of these are excellent examples. Stop believing that because you have a dick, women, or a group of women should be available for you to buy. If you don't believe that women should be available for purchase then you cannot support these industries.

9. Stop believing that rape is rare- It's NOT rare. It's NOT a small occurrence being perpetrated by a select few individuals who are just 'born that way'. Women, real live women who exist in this society, know that rape is NOT rare. Those of us who have studied these things know the official numbers and we know that the closer numbers can be closer to half of us. That's NOT rare. That's NOT one lone man running around violating up to half of the population of females. WE know this. It's time for YOU to know it, internalize it, believe it and act accordingly as well.

10. Stop fantasizing about hurting us- STOP thinking of triplexxxteens. Just fucking stop it. Children are NOT acceptable masturbatory fodder. Raping women is NOT acceptable masturbatory fodder. Stop excusing it; stop accusing those of us who fear you because you think that rape is hottt of being 'thought police'. If your thoughts are dangerous then you need to look at that. You think it's so fucking wonderful? Fine, how do you feel about someone masturbating to the thought of violently raping your mother, your girlfriend or your daughter? You lovin' that thought? Then YOU need to stop it as well. No excuses, no bullshit. Just knock it off.

Now, if you men out there believe that this is all part and parcel of male sexuality then I'm afraid that you're a bigger 'man hater' than you accuse me of being. If you believe that raping, objectifying, staring, leering, bullying, minimizing and supporting female hating industries are 'normal male sexuality' then gods, do I ever feel sorry for you. I, for one, do not believe that this is the 'normal' state of affairs for men and I believe that they can pull themselves out of the poisoned society in which we live to carve out a more egalitarian society from which women and men would benefit.

If YOU believe that it is in the 'male nature' to visually assault, assess, grade, degrade and objectify each and every woman you see based upon your interpretation of her 'fuckability' then YOU are the one with the problem.

If YOU believe that it is in the 'male nature' to enjoy, feed off, be aroused by, or masturbate to women's pain in ALL porn, then it is YOU who has the problem.

If YOU believe that it is in the 'male nature' to laugh at, joke about, bond over and find humorous the verbal assaults framed as 'jokes' on women, then it is YOU who has the problem.

If YOU believe that it is in the 'male nature' to talk into, nag, harass, scare, intimidate, pressure, coerce or otherwise 'get' sex from a woman when she says "No" then it is YOU who have the problem.

If YOU believe that it is in the 'male nature' to believe that women, or a class of women, should be available to you to buy and sell then it is YOU who have the problem.

If YOU believe that it is in the 'male nature' to believe that women are somehow inherently different, strange, from Venus, confusing or 'othered' from you then it is YOU who have the problem.

If YOU believe that it is in the 'male nature' to masturbate to children, raping, bestiality etc and that this is perfectly normal, acceptable, desirable, harmless, and even good then it's YOU who have the problem.

Does this spell it out enough? Because, see, I'm getting exhausted with the whole, "BB you just hate male sexuality" gig. It's old. It's tiresome and it's clearly not true. When male sexuality does not impinge upon my right to exist and be free from YOUR sexuality if I don't want it then you're fine. However, when YOUR sexuality impinges upon my right to not be fearful, to not be intimidated, to not be stared at like a creature in a zoo it becomes MY problem.

You want to be sexual? You want to have your prized 'male sexuality' that's fine and fucking dandy but DON'T impinge upon the rights of me and my sisters to live an existence that is FREE from YOUR sexuality. Stop forcing it on us and stop thinking that it's your RIGHT to force it on us. Your rights end where MINE begin and I have a right to be free of whatever form of sexuality you decide to engage in.

MY sexuality is cemented, formed and pursued in such a way that I'm NOT impinging upon the rights of others. I didn't spend my day at the zoo grading men or women on their perceived ability to turn me on. They are people FIRST. Fat, old, skinny, young, they are fucking PEOPLE and their existence in this life is not dependent upon whether they can make me hottt under the collar.

MY sexuality doesn't require me to think about THEIR sexuality before anything else.

MY sexuality dictates that THEIR sexuality means exactly jack fucking shit to me because it's simply NOT important unless and until we decide to become intimate with one another. THEN their sexuality, their hotttness factor, and everything else that's wrapped up into it is probably something I should think about.

When you use others for the benefit of YOUR sexuality then you are impinging upon MY right to exist free from the effects of YOUR sexuality.

MY sexuality is not based around any thought I have given to whether or not a person will do something, say something, wear something or engage in any activity that I perceive to be hottt.

MY sexuality has nothing whatsoever to do with attempting to get anything from an individual. From oral sex, to particular touching, to anything that I may or may not enjoy it is NOT my job to tell them anything or affect, influence or otherwise meld THEIR sexuality around MY sexuality.

Sexuality is experienced it is not expected and MY sexuality tells me that influencing, asking, begging or otherwise affecting their sexuality is something I refuse to do. THEIR sexuality is akin to a flower. A flower just is it cannot, nor should it, be asked to be a different sort of flower. It cannot, or should not, be manipulated, controlled, or influenced by me despite what society has told me, and you, that flower shouldn’t be fucked with. I have no right to ask that flower to do something that doesn’t come naturally to that flower. Period.

MY sexuality allows me to experience the sexuality of others with NO interference from me. No demands, No presuppositions, No judgements, No thought of what they can do FOR me. If the sexuality of me and my partner jive with one another WITHOUT my forcing a ‘jive’ then all is good. It is never, ever my place to turn an iris into a rose. Again, I repeat my sexuality is experienced not expected.

Feel free to have YOUR sexuality, but don't impinge upon the rights of me and my sisters to exist free from the effects of whatever the fuck you term as sexuality.

Period.
I guess some slavery feels like freedom.
-Wembley Fraggle
oneangrygirl
antiporn star
 
Posts: 1815
Joined: Thu Jan 20, 2005 7:37 pm
Location: Land of Soccer Moms

Postby CoolAunt » Thu Jun 22, 2006 6:11 pm

Is that not one of BB's gems or what? :) I really like it. :)
CoolAunt
antiporn star
 
Posts: 658
Joined: Sat Feb 11, 2006 9:13 pm

Postby Army Of Me » Fri Jun 23, 2006 12:35 am

I wish this could be sent as one of those "chain mail" emails that end up going around the world several times.

You know - if you send this to 5 people, you will have good luck in 3 days.

If you send this to 10 people, you will have good luck in 2 days.

If you send this to 20 people, you may just have an improved world with men becoming human!

If you don't send it to anyone, fuck you.

Or some shit like that. I'm sure I could have elaborated more on this - maybe later - prepare for edits - sigh.

Edit - I am going to print some out, and try to leave in men's public facilities, or insert in copies of fhm, front, loaded, maxim, zoo, the sport,the sun, the mirror, the star.
"You can't start a fire without a spark" - B. Springsteen
Army Of Me
antiporn star
 
Posts: 399
Joined: Mon May 01, 2006 5:13 am

Postby bluecoat28 » Mon Oct 15, 2007 5:11 pm

Army Of Me wrote:I wish this could be sent as one of those "chain mail" emails that end up going around the world several times.

You know - if you send this to 5 people, you will have good luck in 3 days.

If you send this to 10 people, you will have good luck in 2 days.

If you send this to 20 people, you may just have an improved world with men becoming human!

If you don't send it to anyone, fuck you.


hahaha. This is a wonderful piece by BB.
bluecoat28
antiporn star
 
Posts: 1108
Joined: Thu May 31, 2007 7:35 am

Postby Andrew » Mon Oct 15, 2007 6:17 pm

Totally brilliant! And really so very simple.
Andrew
antiporn star
 
Posts: 387
Joined: Wed Dec 06, 2006 9:43 pm
Location: Lost in America

Postby MaggieH » Wed Oct 17, 2007 12:37 pm

I miss B.B. ... :(
"The assumption that "most women are innately heterosexual'' stands as a theoretical and political stumbling block for many women. It remains a tenable assumption, partly because lesbian existence has been written out of history or catalogued under disease;. . . partly because to acknowledge that for women heterosexuality may not be a "preference" at all but something that has had to be imposed, managed, organized, propagandized and maintained by force is an immense step to take if you consider yourself freely and "innately" heterosexual. Yet the failure to examine heterosexuality as an institution is like failing to admit that the economic system called capitalism or the caste system of racism is maintained by a variety of forces, including both physical violence and false consciousness. . ."
-- Adrienne Rich, in Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existence: http://www.terry.uga.edu/~dawndba/4500compulsoryhet.htm

“The animals of the world exist for their own reasons. They were not made for humans any more than black people were made for white, or women created for men.” ~ Alice Walker
MaggieH
antiporn star
 
Posts: 1817
Joined: Tue Apr 03, 2007 9:36 am

Postby CoolAunt » Wed Oct 17, 2007 2:45 pm

MaggieH wrote:I miss B.B. ... :(

Me, too. :(
CoolAunt
antiporn star
 
Posts: 658
Joined: Sat Feb 11, 2006 9:13 pm

Postby MaggieH » Wed Oct 17, 2007 3:21 pm

:cry:
"The assumption that "most women are innately heterosexual'' stands as a theoretical and political stumbling block for many women. It remains a tenable assumption, partly because lesbian existence has been written out of history or catalogued under disease;. . . partly because to acknowledge that for women heterosexuality may not be a "preference" at all but something that has had to be imposed, managed, organized, propagandized and maintained by force is an immense step to take if you consider yourself freely and "innately" heterosexual. Yet the failure to examine heterosexuality as an institution is like failing to admit that the economic system called capitalism or the caste system of racism is maintained by a variety of forces, including both physical violence and false consciousness. . ."
-- Adrienne Rich, in Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existence: http://www.terry.uga.edu/~dawndba/4500compulsoryhet.htm

“The animals of the world exist for their own reasons. They were not made for humans any more than black people were made for white, or women created for men.” ~ Alice Walker
MaggieH
antiporn star
 
Posts: 1817
Joined: Tue Apr 03, 2007 9:36 am

Postby Evo » Thu Oct 18, 2007 6:33 am

I miss her too. I found her right around the time she stopped writing, but I would spend hours pouring over her blogs - sometimes in tears, sometimes cheering, sometimes with a big ol' grin on my face.

She's brilliant. She reminded me a lot of myself and things I have been through and I really identified with her evolution into a radical feminist. It really chaps my ass to know that she was harassed the way she was.
Evo
antiporn star
 
Posts: 63
Joined: Fri Apr 06, 2007 9:16 am
Location: DC Suburbs, MD

Postby KatetheGreat » Thu Oct 18, 2007 6:47 am

Does this spell it out enough? Because, see, I'm getting exhausted with the whole, "BB you just hate male sexuality" gig. It's old. It's tiresome and it's clearly not true. When male sexuality does not impinge upon my right to exist and be free from YOUR sexuality if I don't want it then you're fine. However, when YOUR sexuality impinges upon my right to not be fearful, to not be intimidated, to not be stared at like a creature in a zoo it becomes MY problem.

You want to be sexual? You want to have your prized 'male sexuality' that's fine and fucking dandy but DON'T impinge upon the rights of me and my sisters to live an existence that is FREE from YOUR sexuality. Stop forcing it on us and stop thinking that it's your RIGHT to force it on us. Your rights end where MINE begin and I have a right to be free of whatever form of sexuality you decide to engage in.


She always knows how to hit the nail on the head.
KatetheGreat
antiporn star
 
Posts: 378
Joined: Wed Nov 08, 2006 7:03 pm
Location: Nova Scotia

Postby MaggieH » Thu Oct 18, 2007 6:54 am

I miss her. :cry: She's so great!
"The assumption that "most women are innately heterosexual'' stands as a theoretical and political stumbling block for many women. It remains a tenable assumption, partly because lesbian existence has been written out of history or catalogued under disease;. . . partly because to acknowledge that for women heterosexuality may not be a "preference" at all but something that has had to be imposed, managed, organized, propagandized and maintained by force is an immense step to take if you consider yourself freely and "innately" heterosexual. Yet the failure to examine heterosexuality as an institution is like failing to admit that the economic system called capitalism or the caste system of racism is maintained by a variety of forces, including both physical violence and false consciousness. . ."
-- Adrienne Rich, in Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existence: http://www.terry.uga.edu/~dawndba/4500compulsoryhet.htm

“The animals of the world exist for their own reasons. They were not made for humans any more than black people were made for white, or women created for men.” ~ Alice Walker
MaggieH
antiporn star
 
Posts: 1817
Joined: Tue Apr 03, 2007 9:36 am

Postby CoolAunt » Thu Oct 18, 2007 2:31 pm

Evo wrote: She reminded me a lot of myself and things I have been through and I really identified with her evolution into a radical feminist.

Yes! Me, too. She expresses herself so well through her writing that reading her is like being there and witnessing a friend go through those things. She's a gifted writer, for sure.
CoolAunt
antiporn star
 
Posts: 658
Joined: Sat Feb 11, 2006 9:13 pm

Postby MaggieH » Thu Oct 18, 2007 4:56 pm

CoolAunt wrote:

She's a gifted writer, for sure.


I agree.
"The assumption that "most women are innately heterosexual'' stands as a theoretical and political stumbling block for many women. It remains a tenable assumption, partly because lesbian existence has been written out of history or catalogued under disease;. . . partly because to acknowledge that for women heterosexuality may not be a "preference" at all but something that has had to be imposed, managed, organized, propagandized and maintained by force is an immense step to take if you consider yourself freely and "innately" heterosexual. Yet the failure to examine heterosexuality as an institution is like failing to admit that the economic system called capitalism or the caste system of racism is maintained by a variety of forces, including both physical violence and false consciousness. . ."
-- Adrienne Rich, in Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existence: http://www.terry.uga.edu/~dawndba/4500compulsoryhet.htm

“The animals of the world exist for their own reasons. They were not made for humans any more than black people were made for white, or women created for men.” ~ Alice Walker
MaggieH
antiporn star
 
Posts: 1817
Joined: Tue Apr 03, 2007 9:36 am

Postby oneangrygirl » Fri Oct 19, 2007 11:01 am

i think she'll be back eventually.
I guess some slavery feels like freedom.
-Wembley Fraggle
oneangrygirl
antiporn star
 
Posts: 1815
Joined: Thu Jan 20, 2005 7:37 pm
Location: Land of Soccer Moms

Postby axjxhx » Fri Oct 19, 2007 2:57 pm

oag wrote:i think she'll be back eventually.


i really hope so because i feel like i'm missing out on some really great writing from what i <i>have</i> read so far.

this is a brilliant post. thanks, oag, for reposting this here so i could get a chance to read it. :D
You think I'm vulnerable to your pressure tactics
because I shed a tear, 'cause I shed a tear
you think I'm vulnerable to your violence
just 'cause I'm sittin' here
but my babies came into this world
without a single fear, say they had no fear
'cause the seven generations before me
they all fought to get us here

We don't mind
see we've been doin' it all the time
but if you want us to sacrifice
you will not get it without a price
we don't mind
see we've been doin' it all the time
but if you want us to sacrifice
you gotta give something back to life
~Michael Franti & Spearhead "We Don't Mind"
axjxhx
antiporn star
 
Posts: 62
Joined: Tue Aug 28, 2007 9:31 am
Location: california

Postby elfeminista » Sat Oct 20, 2007 9:03 am

KatetheGreat
antiporn star


Joined: 09 Nov 2006
Posts: 215
Location: Nova Scotia
Posted: Thu Oct 18, 2007 2:47 pm Post subject:

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Quote:
Does this spell it out enough? Because, see, I'm getting exhausted with the whole, "BB you just hate male sexuality" gig. It's old. It's tiresome and it's clearly not true. When male sexuality does not impinge upon my right to exist and be free from YOUR sexuality if I don't want it then you're fine. However, when YOUR sexuality impinges upon my right to not be fearful, to not be intimidated, to not be stared at like a creature in a zoo it becomes MY problem.

"You want to be sexual? You want to have your prized 'male sexuality' that's fine and fucking dandy but DON'T impinge upon the rights of me and my sisters to live an existence that is FREE from YOUR sexuality. Stop forcing it on us and stop thinking that it's your RIGHT to force it on us. Your rights end where MINE begin and I have a right to be free of whatever form of sexuality you decide to engage in.


She always knows how to hit the nail on the head. "

Sex, religion, sheer violence, "the family", money and laws.


Everything around us is geared for the perpetuation of male supremacy. Gee they/we must be worried.....
worried to the max. yet they try to tell us that sexism and patriarchy is not the very core of oppression, that there are more issues to consider, the patriarchists know that if you knock down that damm house of cards first, and all the other oppressions will follow.

So they attack BB. They attack the women that see through patriarchal religion, they do violence. I think sometimes that in deciding what type of feminists pwople want to be, they should look at exactly where men attack, and who is the ultimate target of these attacks.
"I was analyzing a phenomenon I am seeing on the internet-- a proliferation of blogs in which the blogger identifies as a radical feminist, but does not seem to embrace the distinctives of radical feminism as we understand the term in the United States.And you know, I think it's okay if they do that, but I also think it's important to say what I said because otherwise (1) herstoric radical feminism gets erased; (2) people new to feminism never hear what herstoric radical feminism really was or is."~ Heart
elfeminista
antiporn star
 
Posts: 862
Joined: Mon Jan 22, 2007 5:27 pm
Location: Brooklyn

Postby Andrew » Sat Oct 27, 2007 10:06 am

Good point. WHere there's smoke there's fire, as they say.
Like these commenters that, as soon as someone mentions rape, they are right there talking about falsely accused men, women raping children,etc. Makes me wonder what they've got in their closets. In this case, it is the man who "doth protest too much".
Andrew
antiporn star
 
Posts: 387
Joined: Wed Dec 06, 2006 9:43 pm
Location: Lost in America


Return to essays, articles, rants for public view

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 153 guests