I still want to know how you think we should have responded to what Laura said, however any of us characterise it, as you and she clearly aren't happy by the response she has received here.
What is the reasonable response to statements like these made in a rad fem space?:
Wrt BDSM - yes it can be abusive, especially when taken to the stage where people live as sub/dom - but I have never been comfortable with the out and out condemnation of any act that could fall under this acronym.
I don't think feminism is about saying what is valid and invalid when it comes to sex.
My boyfriend can tie me up and fuck me and I can do the same to him, in the spirit of respect and care and wanting to make the other person happy, within the confines of an equal relationship.
There are elements of BDSM that are abusive as I said - sadism certainly seems to me to be at odds with respect for others - but to write off anything could fall under BDSM as INHERENTLY HARMFUL just seems excessive, and thoughtless, to me.
BDSM isn't inherently male sexual violence against women, no matter how many times you say it is, nor is sexually explicit material. It can be different, and if people want to try and make it different I say go ahead.
But I also think that sexual taste is as wide ranging and varied as the human race and that, free of any kind of socialisation, it is likely that I would still like certain things which I have seen labelled 'inherently harmful'. Yeah, I can't know for sure, but having engaged in things in the past that I now know were due to issues I had, linked to growing up in patriarchy, I think I can tell the difference between what I enjoy and what I was warped into engaging in.
I would sleep with a man who would cause me pain IN ORDER TO GIVE ME PLEASURE in the knowledge that I enjoyed it, NOT because he enjoyed the harm he WANTED to cause me
Dominance : I get the arguments against power play, and I think they are very valid. It can be entered into due to people being stuck in patriarchal gender roles, and it can be used to reinforce them. It doesn't have to be. Giving over control of your body to someone else for sexual pleasure and stimulation can be very exciting, and vice versa. It can be an expression of complete trust. As long as there is a safe word and this is undertaken between individuals who fully trust and respect each other, I think it is OK.
And you know the "BDSM is not a monolith" is an argument that comes straight from the pro-pornies and its a disingenuous one at that. One minute Laura is saying that feminists shouldn't criticise sexual practices, the next she's saying that we can as long as it's the ones she disapproves of as well. I guess BDSM isn't a monolith in the sense that Laura is fine with some parts of it and not with others, but that isn't in fact an argument. It is actually OK for rad fems not to be fine with any of it given that BDSM arises straight out of our male-created sado-society - it's not thoughtless or excessive, and that seems to be what you and Laura have a problem with, Lost Clown.